As I sit here this Sunday, I reflect. This weekend, I’ve been striving to focus on what I need. My husband and 4-year-old daughter were out enjoying the Main Street Festival, so I had some much-needed time to think.
I planned to use this time alone to tackle some household chores—cleaning, doing the dishes, organizing laundry, sweeping, scrubbing the floor, and cleaning the refrigerator. However, when I started, my body didn’t like that idea. I found myself craving something nice to eat and simply wanting to sleep. So, I thought, “I’ve got time; let me enjoy this slice of cheesecake and perhaps some chocolate, and then I’ll drink some water and watch some TV.” I was flipping through channels, landed on an FBI Files episode, and then dozed off.
I woke up to a missed call from my husband and pictures of their time at the Main Street Festival. After a brief chat, I found myself in a state where I didn’t want to sleep anymore, yet I also didn’t want to do any work. That’s when I stumbled onto the podcast app on my phone, which led me to the “10% Happier” podcast by Dan Harris. One of the episodes caught my eye: “Stop Trying to Control Everything,” featuring a bonus meditation with Sebene Selassie.
Initially, I resisted the urge to listen, as I’ve never been good at meditation, but I decided to try it anyway. I pressed play, and the show began.
“Wow, things have been bananas out there!” Sebene says. “Sometimes, we want certainty about how things will turn out, but here’s the thing: We can’t really control life, not just with our current situation, ever!” She continues. Sebene ends the introduction to the meditation practice with, “There’s uncertainty built right into existence. What we can do is get comfortable with uncertainty and cultivate trust in life even in the most uncertain times.”
I settled into my chair to begin the practice. The meditation encouraged accepting uncertainty, acknowledging that life is often chaotic. This realization hit me hard—it made me realize how much our life is linked to uncertainty. And so, here I am, writing this blog post about my experiences after listening to it.
Just before my husband and daughter left, my husband asked our daughter to pass a glass bottle of juice to him. As she reached for it, I found myself shouting, cautioning her about handling the glass carefully. This incident came back to me as I listened to the podcast about getting comfortable with uncertainty.
It’s funny how this situation returned to me and reflects how most of my interactions unfold. I observed my daughter reaching for the bottle on the table, and immediately, I pictured the glass slipping from her grasp, crashing to the floor, and shattering into pieces. This scenario flooded me with anxiety, and I found myself desperately trying to prevent it from happening. But in doing so, I was only adding unnecessary stress to myself, imagining the bottle had already fallen and broken into pieces.
She took the bottle, and it didn’t fall. Everything was fine.
It struck me how much of my interactions are colored by my desire to control outcomes. I feared the bottle would slip from her hand and shatter on the floor. However, in trying to control the situation, I only added unnecessary stress. Life is uncertain, and trying to control every aspect is useless. I realized that I have a control issue, which causes me significant stress. Whether it’s worrying about a bottle falling or obsessing over having a spotless house, I’ve been trying to control everything.
Recognizing this has been liberating. My need for control has been holding me back, placing me in a frame of mind where I often think in extremes of all or nothing. This control issue extends beyond my personal life—it’s affected my professional life, too. I’ve been pushing and forcing things in my business instead of letting things unfold naturally.
I’ve realized that I need to let go and let life happen. I’m passionate about helping others, but trying to fit that passion into a predetermined mold has been limiting. From now on, with God’s help, I’m learning to take life one breath at a time.
Life is uncertain, but God is in control.
So, why am I fighting for control?
It’s time to breathe and trust God, one breath at a time.